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Reflect on Your Life

Lotte Vesterli on April 30, 2021

Are you spending enough time reflecting on your life? Today is  Great Prayer Day here in Denmark, and other countries have similar days. Even if you are not religious, take this reminder to spend some time thinking about your life.

It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day running of your life. We are so busy with our little tasks and chores that we do not have time to think about the longer term. But if you have not decided where you want to go, you have no guidance in your life.

In Alice in Wonderland, Alice asks the cat: “Which way should I go?” The cat asks where she wants to get to, and she says: “I don’t much care where.” The cat replies: “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

Spend some time today, or this weekend, thinking about where you want to go in your life. What do you want your life to look like in one year, in five years, in ten years? What legacy do you want to leave?

You might think you don’t have an answer, but you do. You simply need to give your brain space and time to think. That’s why religious people pray, and others meditate. You don’t have to do either. You just need to turn off all your devices and spend several hours doing nothing. You know the answer. Let it come to the surface so you can act on it.

Build Your Exercise Routine Back

Lotte Vesterli on April 29, 2021

Are you out of shape after the pandemic? Many people had exercise routines centered around going to a gym or participating in a team sport. During the pandemic, that kind of exercise was not possible. Few have had the willpower to implement a corresponding solo regime, so we’re out of shape.

But now gym reopenings are beckoning, and you can soon go back to your weekly aerobics or Taekwondo class. To prepare for that, start going a little bit of exercise every day. If you’ve not been training at all, start with ridiculously small amounts of exercise, but add a little every day. Write down in your journal what you did and make sure you do just a little more each day. If you jogged for 100 yards yesterday, jog 150 yards today. If you did 3 jumping jacks yesterday, do 4 today.

Movement is important for both your physical and mental health. Start building your exercise routine back.

Train your Independence

Lotte Vesterli on April 28, 2021

Have you outsourced your thinking to your devices? Surveys show that spatial awareness and the ability to read a map are declining as everybody uses navigation apps to go anywhere. Now Apple has come up with a little tracking device you can put on your keys and other things you might lose. When you can’t find your keys, the corresponding app will tell you where they are. If you get one of these tracking things, you can be sure that your ability to remember where you put your keys is similarly going to decline.

If you are not practicing your spatial awareness or your memory, it will decline. Even if you don’t think about it, your mind knows that you are no longer able to run your life without your devices. That fosters a feeling of helplessness. Try going a few days without your gadgets. You will find that it is harder than you thought. And you will experience a sense of accomplishment and freedom.

Bullying is Expensive

Lotte Vesterli on April 27, 2021

Workplace bullying is extremely expensive for employers. There is lost productivity of the bullying victim. Once the victim leaves, the company has to spend time and money finding a replacement. Then there is a cost because it takes a while before the new employee learns the ropes and becomes productive. But the largest cost is the loss of engagement that affects everyone.

An engaged and enthusiastic employee is more than twice as productive as a disengaged one. When people witness bullying happen to others, and they see no intervention from the company, they become disengaged. If the company is not protecting your colleague from bullying, do they really care about you? That’s why allowing just one bully drags the whole department down. And that’s why it is good business and should be a leadership priority to root out bullying.

Celebrate Success

Lotte Vesterli on April 26, 2021

Here in Denmark, we are celebrating our Oscar for “Best Foreign Movie” today. Well, most of us didn’t really contribute anything, but we can all enjoy Thomas Winterberg’s success with “Another Round.”

You can also celebrate other people’s success. I’m unlikely to win an Oscar, but I can still feel happy for those who do.

When someone around you is successful, examine how you feel. It is common for people who have suffered bullying or other emotional trauma to feel resentment for other people’s success. But being unhappy that someone else got the promotion or won the audition is adding unnecessary pain to your life. If you have that feeling, tell yourself you are happy for their success. If that feels too hard, tell yourself that you pretend to feel happy. it might sound silly, but simply telling your brain to pretend to be happy cancels the negativity so you are at least not adding to your unhappiness.

There are many successful people in the world. Share in their success.

Start a Book Today

Lotte Vesterli on April 23, 2021

Reading a book can change your life. I have read several books that have had a huge impact on my life, and I have written one that readers tell me have had a huge impact on their lives.

Today is World Book Day. If you’re not already reading a book with the potential to change your life, pick one up today. If you have ever been bullied or had other traumatic experiences, I recommend my own “Life after Bullying.” It contains the method and tools I have developed over many years as I fought my way out of the long-term consequences of severe childhood bullying.

It’s on sale at Amazon.com (https://vester.li/wbd21), and many other bookstores are also running promotions. Get a book today.

Playing it Safe

Lotte Vesterli on April 22, 2021

Do you always play it safe? We all have our personal risk profiles. Some people climb mountains without safety ropes, while others won’t climb more than two steps up a ladder. People who suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem, like bullying victims, tend to be the most risk-averse. In a pandemic, being careful to adhere to all the guidelines is useful. But in life in general, being over-cautious means you miss out on things you could safely have done.

Researchers in the UK were working with a group of 400 children and found that teaching them chess decreased their risk aversion. In the game of chess, you need to be able to take prudent risks – maybe sacrificing a piece to gain a decisive advantage. Chess was a safe environment for the children to experiment with risk – the worst thing that could happen was that they lost the game.

If you are feeling risk aversion is holding you back, look for a similar safe environment where you can practice taking small risks. If you are anxious about speaking to strangers, join a club or association where everybody has an interest in common. In this environment, it will be easier to ask a stranger a question because you can expect everybody to want to share their knowledge and love of your common subject.

Track Your Sleep

Lotte Vesterli on April 21, 2021

Do you know how much or how little you sleep? Not sleeping enough increases your risk of dementia. Adding to the already long list of diseases and problems associated with too little sleep, researchers in the UK has demonstrated a correlation between too little sleep and increased dementia risk. After controlling for a long range of other health factors, they found that 50-year-olds who slept six hours or less per night had a 22% increased risk of developing dementia. For 60-year-olds, the risk went up by 37%.

Keep track of your sleep for a few weeks to get an idea of whether you are sleeping enough. There are many options for sleep tracking. The Apple watch and several other types of wristwatches register your sleep. You can also get sensors to place under your mattress or even a radar you place on your bedside table to track your movement during the night. But even if you don’t have any of these fancy devices, you can simply write in your journal when you started your evening wind-down, when you went to bed and when you got up. Spending some time winding down (without devices or TV) and spending enough time in bed is the first step towards better sleep.

If you don’t get enough sleep, it is very hard to make any change in your life.

Create Your Own Sound

Lotte Vesterli on April 19, 2021

Create your own sound. I don’t mean you have to gather a few friends and create an indie band, though that can certainly be rewarding for some people. But the sounds around you affect your mental state. Most of us don’t live in the countryside where you only heard birdsong and the buzzing of bees. Working from home, we are free of the hellish soundscape of the open plan office, but we often live in urban surroundings. We have traffic noise, neighbors, barking dogs, and maybe even our partner speaking too loudly on a Zoom call.

You are unconsciously listening and processing all of these sounds. That takes energy that could be used for something more useful. To get more done, personally and professionally, create your own sound surroundings. If possible, avoid headphones. Consider a small indoor fountain to create the soothing sound of running water. There are “white noise machines” that emit a constant low-volume noise that masks other noises in your environment. Or you can play instrumental music at low volume through your computer speakers or a separate speaker connected to your phone.

Sound affects your mood and your productivity. Don’t just accept the sound the world pushes upon you. Create your own sound like you create your own life.

Train Your Brain

Lotte Vesterli on April 16, 2021

Are you getting smarter or dumber? If you’re not challenging your brain, it loses power just like muscles you don’t use. The physiology is completely different, but research shows that we can add more brain cells by using our brains just like we can add more muscle mass by using our muscles.

Because it takes so much energy to run a human brain, the body is always looking for shortcuts. Routines and habits mean that you don’t have to think – you just do as you normally do. It is your job to keep your brain fit by giving it new challenges. You don’t have to learn a new language or to play the piano, but you should always have something new to keep your brain fresh and interested. What new skill or challenge will you give your brain to work on this weekend?