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Follow the Rules

Lotte Vesterli on December 9, 2020

Even as the vaccines are starting to become available, the lockdown has tightened here in Denmark, in California, and in many other places. Some people criticize and resist the restrictions, but you should welcome them.

People suffering from anxiety, as bullying victims and other trauma sufferers often do, benefit from clear guidelines. Anxiety is worsened by unclear situations where you can worry about what the right response is. But in this case, you can simply find out what your local restrictions and rules are, and follow them. This allows you to tell yourself that you have done your part. When there is nothing more you can do, it is easier to let go of your personal worries about coronavirus.

In my book “Life after Bullying,” I describe an exercise using tapping to reduce anxiety. There is a guided meditation on the resource page for the book – look for “Chapter 10: Tapping for Anxiety” on https://www.lifeafterbullying.com/resources/

Your Health Needs Daylight

Lotte Vesterli on December 4, 2020

We’re down to a little over 7 hours of sunlight here in Denmark, so it’s dark when you leave for school or work, and dark when you return. Depression and anxiety is worse in the dark part of the year so it is important to get as much daylight as possible.

One positive effect of lockdown and working from home is that you are free to schedule your day. Take a long break at mid-day and go for a walk, a jog, or just sit outside with a warm beverage. You can make up for this time later in the afternoon. Most work doesn’t require daylight, but your health does.

Learn Something New

Lotte Vesterli on December 3, 2020

To improve your life, there is always something new you can learn. There are free online courses and YouTube videos that will teach you almost everything, and your local library is full of free books you can borrow to learn about any topic you want.

If you feel that each day is just like the next one, decide on some skill or knowledge you want to pick up. Do the absolute minimum to improve each day – watch 3 minutes of video or read one page. You will find that this breaks the routine and after one week you will be a person with more skill and knowledge than last week. Appreciate that progress and continue.

Reserve Time for Yourself

Lotte Vesterli on December 2, 2020

If you are not feeling cheerful as we get closer to Christmas, that’s OK. We are bombarded with an idealized image of a happy family celebrating in a decorated and cozy home, but that is not the reality for many people. Bullying victims and others who have suffered psychological trauma can suffer from anxiety that is worsened by external pressure as you might feel in December.

Make sure you reserve enough time for yourself this month. Don’t mindlessly accept every invitation to Christmas events with your extended family, friends, and co-workers. If you allow yourself some downtime, you have the resources to enjoy the events you do decide to attend.

Training Non-Shopping

Lotte Vesterli on December 1, 2020

The shopping season is a good time to practice mindfulness. We’ve just been bombarded with Black Friday and Cyber Monday offers, and now the Christmas Catalogs are taking over.

We know the happiness from buying more stuff lasts only for a very short while. But if you are feeling unhappy, stressed, or anxious, you are vulnerable to impulsive over-shopping.

Use this period as a training exercise. Every time you find yet another irresistible offer in your inbox or mailbox, take a moment to feel grateful that you have received the offer. Then feel gratitude for the things you already have. And finally, feel gratitude to the universe for giving you the tools to resists the offer.

Keep the Routine

Lotte Vesterli on November 30, 2020

English has the wonderful term “turkey trot.” It means a run, often short and with a focus on having fun instead of running fast, on the weekend after Thanksgiving. My friends in the UK tell me that they do their turkey trot after Christmas.

Even though organized races are canceled this year, you can still do your own “turkey trot”. Find your running shoes and go to a park or other nature near you and jog or walk for a mile. If you can’t jog the entire distance, run a little and walk a little.

As it becomes darker and colder, it is important that you keep up some kind of exercise routine. Even though your gym is closed and you’re working from home, you can still lace up your running shoes. Your body and your mind need the activity.

Give Thanks

Lotte Vesterli on November 26, 2020

My American friends celebrate Thanksgiving today, and I love that word. We don’t have a specific day for that purpose here in Denmark, but giving thanks is something we should all do every day.

Finding something to be grateful for and give thanks for puts you in a positive mood. Establishing a gratitude routine is an important technique that fights anxiety and stress. If you write a daily journal, put in something you are grateful for each day. If you have a bit of time to yourself in your morning routine, just sit quietly for a moment and think of something you are grateful for in that moment.

If you have difficulty finding a time to express your gratitude, do it before a meal. Saying grace before a meal is an ancient human tradition that cuts across cultures and religions. The reason people have always done it is that it works. It only takes a few seconds to close your eyes and say to yourself that you are grateful for this meal. Happy Thanksgiving.

Report Bullying

Lotte Vesterli on November 25, 2020

UK Home Secretary Priti Patel was found to have bullied staff, violating the ministerial code. The Home Secretary apologized, and the Prime Minister decided his anti-bullying strategy did not extend beyond sending a letter to all ministers reminding them to behave themselves.

If you are bullied in the workplace, you need to speak up to someone. It will be uncomfortable confronting the bully, but in any medium-sized or larger organization, you don’t need to do that. Instead, report the bullying to your HR function, giving details of specific incidents of bullying. If the bullying is in email, print them out, give a paper copy to HR and keep one yourself. Your HR function might decide to confront the bully immediately, or only after receiving multiple reports. But by reporting them, you are no longer a passive victim. And that is an important step in stopping bullying.

Imagine

Lotte Vesterli on November 24, 2020

The human mind is able to imagine the future. That is a powerful ability that can help you realize your goals and achieve success. But if you suffer from anxiety, your mind can also imagine many unpleasant futures.

While you work on the root causes of your anxiety, you can improve your life by actively adding positive futures to the list of things that can happen. Every time you notice yourself imagining something bad happening, stop for a moment, and imagine the opposite situation. Once you have a positive situation in your mind, it is easy to add a couple of other positive variations. 

You can use the power of your mind to fill your imagination with positive futures to take power away from your anxiety.

Train Your Mind

Lotte Vesterli on November 23, 2020

You can train your body to lift heavier weights or to run faster. You might decide that being stronger or faster doesn’t matter to you, and that’s fine, as long as you maintain a basically healthy lifestyle. 

You can also train your mind. That has such a huge impact on your life that I believe everybody should do it. You train your mind by meditation, mindfulness, or simply relaxed breathing exercises. Whenever I give a talk, have a session with a client, present a webinar, or give a multi-day training class, I always include exercises you can use to train your mind.

You need to find some way to train your mind. You can read books (I recommend my own ;-), listen to podcasts or attend online trainings. I also have a two-hour online class coming up next Monday – you can read more and sign up here: https://vester.li/fcw.