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Workplace Bullying Happens Online Too

Lotte Vesterli on July 19, 2022

Workplace bullying happens online, too. Bullying complaints are up 44 percent over last year as organizations struggle to adapt their anti-bullying tools and policies to the new way of working. Increased remote work has shown that some organizations did not fix their bad workplace culture. Instead, they could simply keep bullying down when everyone was in the office.

Finding new tools to suppress online bullying might be possible, but that is just another temporary solution. The only real solution is to change workplace culture, so bullying is not tolerated.

If you are being bullied online at work, your organization has a bad culture. Fixing culture is hard and takes a long time. Finding a new place to work is much faster and easier.

The No Shopping Challenge

Lotte Vesterli on July 12, 2022

Amazon has issued its yearly challenge to the world. It’s a game, and it’s called Amazon Prime Day. You lose if you buy one of Amazon’s “exceptional” deals. You win if you don’t buy anything.

They are using every psychological trick in the book, including inflated “before” prices that just happened to go up one week ago, so that they can offer a huge discount today. If you want to challenge yourself, go to their website. If you want to win the game, stay off the internet as much as you can for the next two days.

You need less stuff, not more.

Feel Your Reaction

Lotte Vesterli on July 6, 2022

We’ve just had a public shooting in Denmark. Fortunately, such events are extremely rare here, and it has been many years since the previous one. But that also makes us react stronger to each of them. Some people experience increased stress levels or problems sleeping or concentrating.

If you experience an unexpectedly strong reaction to a traumatic event that you did not witness yourself, take extra care of yourself. You are allowed to feel this. It is normal for people who feel vulnerable in their lives to react more strongly. Untreated trauma from many years ago can also strengthen your reaction to tragic events your hear about in the news or on social media.

Seek help from a professional if you have strong reactions for more than a few days after the event. As a professional trauma therapist, I recommend looking for a professional specializing in trauma.

Are You Learning and Growing?

Lotte Vesterli on June 22, 2022

I’m in the Netherlands this week, having participated in a three-day training event in “Transformational Presence” by Alan Seale. Even though my calendar quickly fills up with client work and my other commitments, I also make room for my own personal development. Look at your calendar for the past month. Did you manage to do some activities that allowed you to learn and grow? If you didn’t, it’s extra important that you schedule some learning and growing time in your calendar for next month.

If you are out of ideas for September, you can join me in Denmark for my RIM Essentials training 😉 There is only one slot left…

Set your Mind’s GPS

Lotte Vesterli on June 15, 2022

Did you ever set your GPS wrong? I have, but quickly noticed something wrong with the directions I was given. But if you set your mind’s GPS wrong, it can take you a while to notice.

If you are unhappy about the path of your life, you need to re-program your mind’s GPS. A simple way to do that is by saying affirmations. An affirmation is a compelling sentence that describes how you feel after reaching your goal. One of mine has been “I am so happy and grateful that I now feel relaxed and confident as I speak in front of an audience.” I talk more about affirmations in chapter 7 of my book “Life after Bullying.”

Design an affirmation and say it to yourself every day. You will find that it directs your mind to seek a way to reach the goal your affirmation describes.

Create Your Own Soundtrack

Lotte Vesterli on June 9, 2022

Movies manipulate your feelings. You can also use the techniques of the movie industry to change how you feel. One of their tricks is the soundtrack. You just know that the romantic couple is about to meet again after a long separation – the music tells you.

Think about the soundtrack you want for your life. You might create several playlists for different moods. You can have one for starting work, one for winding down after your workday, one for getting ready for bed, one to get in a romantic mood with your partner, and an extra energetic one for doing boring work around the house.

Your rational mind cannot directly affect your feelings. It doesn’t work to simply tell yourself to cheer up. But your rational self can select the right tunes and let the music do the magic.

Have People Around You

Lotte Vesterli on June 7, 2022

Are you as productive when working from home? Many people feel they are not, and compensate by working even more hours. The numbers show that the time we save by not commuting to work has become extra work hours, not extra free time.

If you feel your productivity is dropping when working from home, spend part of your workday working together with someone else. You do not have to work on the same thing, and you don’t even have to know the other person. If you take your laptop to a local cafe or co-working space where other people are working, you will work harder. It is exactly the same effect as when people exercise harder in the gym than they do at home. Get out of the house for part of your work-from-home days.

Spend Your Money Well

Lotte Vesterli on June 2, 2022

You can’t buy happiness. Yet there are some ways to spend money that makes you happier than others. Research shows that the happiness from buying things wears off very quickly. Especially today. It will take no more than six months before there is a new and better model of the television or phone you buy today. But the happiness you get from buying experiences lasts longer. Many of your memories will last a lifetime. Save a little on things today and spend a little more on your holiday this summer. It will make your happier in the long run.

How to Break Bad Habits

Lotte Vesterli on May 31, 2022

There seems to be a day for breaking every bad habit. For example, today is “World No Tobacco Day.” Having one special day can be good for awareness campaigns. Actually changing habits takes much longer.

I talk about breaking bad habits in chapter 5 of my book “Life After Bullying.” The reason we call them “bad” is because they are working against some other goal we have. Our habits might be bad for our health, or take time away from more important things. The trick is not to focus on the habit you don’t want, but instead focus on the better result you do want.

Pay Attention to What Your Body Tells You

Lotte Vesterli on May 27, 2022

Your body knows what is bothering you, even if your conscious mind doesn’t. I am reading Bruce Perry’s book “The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog,” and he explains how he discovered a way to detect past trauma still stuck in the body: With a heart rate monitor.

A child wanted to try the heart rate monitor Bruce was still wearing after a run. He put in on the boy and the heart rate was normal. But then Bruce said something that caused the boy’s heart rate to increase dramatically. He later discovered that his words had triggered a memory of past trauma in the boy.

If you have an Apple Watch or a similar device that measures your pulse, pay attention to the data it gives you. You might discover that a specific task or an upcoming event with certain people sets your heart racing. That tells you that you have something you need to work on. While you do that, also try to reduce this kind of stress-inducing activity. Maybe someone else can do the task, or you don’t need to go to that meeting. I’m not a big gadget fan, but here is a place where a device can actually be helpful.