Bullying - Lotte Vesterli

They Can Talk, But You Don’t Have to Listen

Lotte Vesterli on May 3, 2022

Free speech means people can say almost anything. It doesn’t mean you have to listen. Elon Musk has just bought Twitter and wants fewer restrictrions. That will make Twitter an even less welcoming place.

For your mental health and sanity, spend your time on social media in the well behaved corners of the internet. That means moderated groups on places like Facebook and LinkedIn. These groups have human administrators who will react if you report bullying.

Overcome the Effects of Bullying

Lotte Vesterli on March 15, 2022

The science about the effects of bullying is piling up, and it is bad. A recent paper in the Harward Review of Psychiatry showed that a girl who has been bullied is 27 times more likely to have a panic disorder as a young adult. A boy who has been bullied is 18 times more likely to attempt suicide.

Fortunately, there are also very effective methods to overcome the long-term effects of bullying and other psychic trauma. There is not much scientific research yet, but with the RIM method I use, almost every client has experienced a significant improvement with just three to five sessions. I am a Master RIM practitioner and RIM Trainer, and I would love the opportunity to tell you more. Please schedule a free call with me online.

You can also read about the RIM method on my website.

Build Bullying Resilience

Lotte Vesterli on March 8, 2022

Bullying is now a criminal offense in France. There are high fines and the penalties for the most severe bullying go up to ten years in jail. More important than the penalties is the additional teacher training that the new law also provides.

Anti-bullying laws and rules are necessary, but they are only one small part of the fight against bullying. We cannot force the bullies to seek the therapy they need, but we can make sure that bystanders are encouraged to step in. And we can give those at risk of becoming victims tools to improve their self-esteem to prevent bullying from happening. You can find many of the most powerful tools I have found in my book Life after Bullying.

Anti-Bullying Rules Must be Enforced

Lotte Vesterli on February 17, 2022

“Eric Lander is a successful researcher, but everyone knows that he is a bully.” That was the comment offered by another researcher when the top science advisor to U.S. President Biden announced his resignation.

I am disappointed that important positions are still filled with bullies. President Biden said that he would not tolerate bullying. However, it was not until Politico magazine had leaked the result of an internal investigation that he was forced to leave. If it hadn’t been for the journalists, Professor Lander would still be bullying his staff.

Getting rid of bullying in the workplace requires 1) rules that bullying will not be tolerated and 2) that the rules are enforced. The White House failed on number 2. Your workplace will have the rules, but if they are not enforced, consider looking for another place to work.

Bullying sticks in the body

Lotte Vesterli on January 21, 2022

You might think that bullying from many years ago no longer affects you, but it does. You might feel that you get stressed before your collagues? People with traumatic experiences like bullying in their past have a lower stress capacity, lower self-esteem and a greater risk of anxiety and depression.

I’d like to help you. I have felt like that and it took me many years to recover from the vicious bullying I was subject to in my childhood. I have written the book “Life after Bullying” to share the method and tools I have used, and use today in my client work. Please check it out, or call me for free to hear how I can help you.

You can read about the book here: https://www.lifeafterbullying.com/book/ and you can book a free intro call with me here: https://calendly.com/lottevesterli/free-intro

Does Your Job Provide Happiness?

Lotte Vesterli on May 3, 2021

Are you one of the oppressed workers of the world? This year, not many places had the traditions large gatherings for International Worker’s Day on May 1st. But many people use this day to reflect on their lives and careers. You are not an oppressed worker in a hard and dangerous job in a British 19th-century steel mill, but you might not be in the right job for you.

There are only so many minutes left in your life, and you are spending many of them on your job. Some people are fortunate to have a job that makes them happy. I’ve been happy in my earlier work helping people as an occupational therapist. I’m even happier now in my own practice helping victims of emotional trauma overcome their past. Other people have a job they are not that passionate about, but which provides the fuel for their life outside work. An old friend of mine has a regular IT job, which pays for him to pursue his passion for playing folk music. He makes enough money to live, to buy and maintain instruments, and travel to the festivals he wants.

Your life is yours to live, and you can choose either path. But if you have a job where you are bullied by your boss, your co-workers, or your customers, you need to find a way to move on to other things.

Bullying is Expensive

Lotte Vesterli on April 27, 2021

Workplace bullying is extremely expensive for employers. There is lost productivity of the bullying victim. Once the victim leaves, the company has to spend time and money finding a replacement. Then there is a cost because it takes a while before the new employee learns the ropes and becomes productive. But the largest cost is the loss of engagement that affects everyone.

An engaged and enthusiastic employee is more than twice as productive as a disengaged one. When people witness bullying happen to others, and they see no intervention from the company, they become disengaged. If the company is not protecting your colleague from bullying, do they really care about you? That’s why allowing just one bully drags the whole department down. And that’s why it is good business and should be a leadership priority to root out bullying.

Start a Book Today

Lotte Vesterli on April 23, 2021

Reading a book can change your life. I have read several books that have had a huge impact on my life, and I have written one that readers tell me have had a huge impact on their lives.

Today is World Book Day. If you’re not already reading a book with the potential to change your life, pick one up today. If you have ever been bullied or had other traumatic experiences, I recommend my own “Life after Bullying.” It contains the method and tools I have developed over many years as I fought my way out of the long-term consequences of severe childhood bullying.

It’s on sale at Amazon.com (https://vester.li/wbd21), and many other bookstores are also running promotions. Get a book today.

Playing it Safe

Lotte Vesterli on April 22, 2021

Do you always play it safe? We all have our personal risk profiles. Some people climb mountains without safety ropes, while others won’t climb more than two steps up a ladder. People who suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem, like bullying victims, tend to be the most risk-averse. In a pandemic, being careful to adhere to all the guidelines is useful. But in life in general, being over-cautious means you miss out on things you could safely have done.

Researchers in the UK were working with a group of 400 children and found that teaching them chess decreased their risk aversion. In the game of chess, you need to be able to take prudent risks – maybe sacrificing a piece to gain a decisive advantage. Chess was a safe environment for the children to experiment with risk – the worst thing that could happen was that they lost the game.

If you are feeling risk aversion is holding you back, look for a similar safe environment where you can practice taking small risks. If you are anxious about speaking to strangers, join a club or association where everybody has an interest in common. In this environment, it will be easier to ask a stranger a question because you can expect everybody to want to share their knowledge and love of your common subject.