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Brightening Days

Lotte Vesterli on December 18, 2020

It’s winter solstice on Monday – here in Copenhagen, the exact time is 11.02 AM. Humans have always looked for and celebrated watershed moments like this. Even though your life will not automatically change for the better when the days start getting longer again, you can make it so.

Make a list this weekend of old habits and behaviors that belong in 2020. You can’t quit coronavirus safety rules just yet, but there might be worries or fears you can put behind you. On Monday, crumble up the list of old ways and write a new one with new habits and behaviors you are going to implement in the brightening days that will be starting soon.

Preparation Beats Anxiety

Lotte Vesterli on December 17, 2020

Some of my American friends are bracing for an oncoming snowstorm while I am sitting in the rain in Denmark hoping for a bit of snow.

The weather affects us all, but for some people, it’s yet another thing to worry about. Many of my clients are victims of bullying and other trauma, and if you have that history, you are likely to feel more anxious about the future than most.

One technique that works well to combat anxiety about specific possible events, like power outages, is to think them through in advance. How will you get light if you don’t have electricity? You might stock up on candles, batteries, and flashlights. How will you heat your house? Maybe you have a gas heater and a filled tank. Maybe you can close off parts of the house and heat only that. Specific plans beat general anxiety.

Keep the Good Habits

Lotte Vesterli on December 15, 2020

The pandemic has forced a lot of changes upon us, and some of them have been positive. Working from home has freed up time you used to spend traveling to work, and has given you the flexibility to distribute your work time freely across the day. With less opportunity to go out, maybe you have been walking more, reading more, or spending more time with your partner or children.

Make a note of the positive changes you have experienced and you want to keep once all this is over. Put it on your desk, on a post-it note on your computer, or on your fridge as a reminder to stick with the positive new habits you have developed.

Improve Your Home Office

Lotte Vesterli on December 14, 2020

Even after everybody is vaccinated, a lot of people won’t be going back to the office full time. If you think you’ll continue to be working from home at least part of the week, make sure your work ergonomics are okay. If there is something you are missing – like a stand for your laptop, an extra keyboard, or a comfortable chair, put them on your Christmas wishlist.

Think Long-Term

Lotte Vesterli on December 10, 2020

We easily end up in crisis mode when faced with something that seems like it requires our immediate attention. The ability to focus on urgent threats has helped humans survive over the millennia, but today companies who want our attention has learned to feed us a constant diet of things we urgently need to read, watch or click on.

It is useful to step back and take a longer perspective. Author Vincent Ialenti talks about how the very long perspective can help you replenish your energy. He calls this concept “Deep Time” – thinking about what happened thousands or millions of years ago, and what will happen thousands of years into the future. It places you in relationship with your surroundings and brings a better understanding of your roles as the continuation of those who came before you, and your role as a guardian of our planet. Try to take the very long perspective. It is calming.

Follow the Rules

Lotte Vesterli on December 9, 2020

Even as the vaccines are starting to become available, the lockdown has tightened here in Denmark, in California, and in many other places. Some people criticize and resist the restrictions, but you should welcome them.

People suffering from anxiety, as bullying victims and other trauma sufferers often do, benefit from clear guidelines. Anxiety is worsened by unclear situations where you can worry about what the right response is. But in this case, you can simply find out what your local restrictions and rules are, and follow them. This allows you to tell yourself that you have done your part. When there is nothing more you can do, it is easier to let go of your personal worries about coronavirus.

In my book “Life after Bullying,” I describe an exercise using tapping to reduce anxiety. There is a guided meditation on the resource page for the book – look for “Chapter 10: Tapping for Anxiety” on https://www.lifeafterbullying.com/resources/

Your Health Needs Daylight

Lotte Vesterli on December 4, 2020

We’re down to a little over 7 hours of sunlight here in Denmark, so it’s dark when you leave for school or work, and dark when you return. Depression and anxiety is worse in the dark part of the year so it is important to get as much daylight as possible.

One positive effect of lockdown and working from home is that you are free to schedule your day. Take a long break at mid-day and go for a walk, a jog, or just sit outside with a warm beverage. You can make up for this time later in the afternoon. Most work doesn’t require daylight, but your health does.

Learn Something New

Lotte Vesterli on December 3, 2020

To improve your life, there is always something new you can learn. There are free online courses and YouTube videos that will teach you almost everything, and your local library is full of free books you can borrow to learn about any topic you want.

If you feel that each day is just like the next one, decide on some skill or knowledge you want to pick up. Do the absolute minimum to improve each day – watch 3 minutes of video or read one page. You will find that this breaks the routine and after one week you will be a person with more skill and knowledge than last week. Appreciate that progress and continue.

Reserve Time for Yourself

Lotte Vesterli on December 2, 2020

If you are not feeling cheerful as we get closer to Christmas, that’s OK. We are bombarded with an idealized image of a happy family celebrating in a decorated and cozy home, but that is not the reality for many people. Bullying victims and others who have suffered psychological trauma can suffer from anxiety that is worsened by external pressure as you might feel in December.

Make sure you reserve enough time for yourself this month. Don’t mindlessly accept every invitation to Christmas events with your extended family, friends, and co-workers. If you allow yourself some downtime, you have the resources to enjoy the events you do decide to attend.

Training Non-Shopping

Lotte Vesterli on December 1, 2020

The shopping season is a good time to practice mindfulness. We’ve just been bombarded with Black Friday and Cyber Monday offers, and now the Christmas Catalogs are taking over.

We know the happiness from buying more stuff lasts only for a very short while. But if you are feeling unhappy, stressed, or anxious, you are vulnerable to impulsive over-shopping.

Use this period as a training exercise. Every time you find yet another irresistible offer in your inbox or mailbox, take a moment to feel grateful that you have received the offer. Then feel gratitude for the things you already have. And finally, feel gratitude to the universe for giving you the tools to resists the offer.