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Increase Your Positive Thinking

Lotte Vesterli on September 13, 2022

Today you’re only supposed to think positive thoughts – September 13th is Positive Thinking Day. The idea of such a day seems ridiculous – what if your car breaks down or your train is canceled? But the deeper reason behind it makes excellent sense.

We are bombarded with negative messages. Advertisers want us to be unhappy and promise that if only we bought their product, we would become happy. News media focus on bad news because more people click on those stories.

To avoid sinking into despair, you need to fight back. It’s all well and good to celebrate Positive Thinking Day. But it’s better to create a habit of explicitly looking for the positive each day. Spend a few moments before bed to review your day and find something positive that happened. It will improve your mood – and your sleep.

Find Another Tribe

Lotte Vesterli on September 2, 2022

There are two kinds of bullying, and you fight them in different ways. Active bullying is when people do something, like yelling or hiding your tools. This is the kind of bullying everyone can see and that you can report to your boss or HR. Passive bullying is when people don’t do something, for example when they invite everybody else to an event. It is hard to report this kind of bullying, but you can still fight back.

The important thing is to have strong relationships outside work. Many people invest most of their time and energy in their jobs, and the people at work become your tribe. We have a deep ancient fear of being excluded from our tribe. In a hunter-gatherer society, exclusion could literally be life-threatening.

If you are the victim of passive bullying at work, join another tribe. It can be your church, an environmental organization, or a sports or crafts club. You do not have to depend on being part of the tribe at work.

Does Therapy Work for You?

Lotte Vesterli on August 30, 2022

Some people are cutting back on therapy to save money. If you have unprocessed traumatic memories, that is one of the worst places to save.

You physical and mental health is the foundation of your life. If you are in therapy, think about the benefits you get from it. After a session, do you feel lighter, more in control, and better able to handle your life? If so, therapy should absolutely be a priority.

An Instruction Class for Life?

Lotte Vesterli on August 23, 2022

We now have vending machines that dispense kayaks. Here in Denmark, anybody is free to book a kayak online, go to the beach, pick up the kayak from the machine and take it to sea.

Those who just do that tend to get into trouble. Those who take a class first are much less likely to have to be rescued from mid-ocean by the coast guard.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a simple instruction class for life. But there are useful tools you can learn. I teach some in my courses, and you can find many of them in my book “Life after Bullying.” Life is sometimes easier if you take the time to learn how your body and mind works.

To Fight Climate Anxiety, Do Something

Lotte Vesterli on August 17, 2022

You can do something to improve the world. It is important for your physical and mental health that you feel you make a difference.

Climate worries are on everybody’s mind here in Europe as we suffer record temperatures and our rivers dry out. A big survey of young people found 45% saying that their feelings about climate change negatively affected their daily life and functioning. Adults with traumatic experiences like bullying or other abuse often have similar feelings.

You can break this feeling and reclaim your life by doing something to fight the thing you worry about. You don’t need to save the world by yourself, but you need to make an effort. You might save energy by driving less, buying vintage clothes instead of new ones, or volunteering in a climate-related charity. When you wrap up your day before going to bed, remind yourself of a situation where you made your own effort to fight climate change.

There is a very big difference between doing nothing and doing something.

Are You Catastrophizing?

Lotte Vesterli on August 12, 2022

Are you Catastrophizing? I didn’t know that word until recently, but I have met clients with this behavior. People who catastrophize imagine a lot of problems, even the most unlikely. For some, this condition places significant limitations on their lives.

The first step in fighting this is to become aware of the mechanism. When you are in a safe place and have time to think, consider which things you have recently decided not to do. Reflect on the reason you said no. If you find that you had a good reason, fine. You are rationally careful. If you no longer think saying no was necessary, then imagine a similar situation in the future. Imagine saying yes. That prepares you and lessens the risk of catastrophizing.

Read Paper Books

Lotte Vesterli on August 9, 2022

Today is Book Lover’s Day. That’s a day for celebrating books and reading, preferably by reading a real printed book. If you have my book “Life after Bullying,” I recommend you re-read one of the tool chapters in part 3. All of the tools in part 3 are effective and useful, but different people need different tools at different times. Skimming part 3 every once in a while reminds you of all the powerful tools you have available. It might inspire you to pick up a new tool that better matches your current place in life.

#BookLoversDay

Could you Unplug for 24 Hours?

Lotte Vesterli on August 6, 2022

August 6th, 2022, is the 3rd Global Day of Unplugging. When you read this, think about if you can put your phone down and stay offline for 24 hours. Many people think they can, but few people have the willpower. Are you up to the challenge? #globaldayofunplugging 

Get Rid of Some Stuff

Lotte Vesterli on August 5, 2022

I’m feeling inspired to get rid of some stuff. Even though I’m pretty good at decluttering, I still get that feeling every year when I come back from our summer cottage. We don’t feel the weight of all our possessions in our everyday lives. But when we have been away on vacation and have been getting on just fine with only what we could have in a suitcase or backpack, we notice the difference.

We can get some of that holiday feeling by having fewer things. Find some stuff you no longer need and recycle or donate it.

Borrow Success

Lotte Vesterli on July 25, 2022

All of Denmark celebrated yesterday when Jonas Vingegaard from Denmark won the Tour de France. Soccer fans in England, Sweden, Germany, and France are similarly proud that their women’s teams are in the UEFA Women’s EURO 2022 semi-finals.

Only one Dane was first on Col du Granon, but the rest of us are borrowing his success. That is a technique you can use even when you don’t have a countryman or national team to cheer. When you don’t feel you have any of your own achievements to celebrate, be happy for other people’s success. When a team at work reaches a milestone, completes a project, or wins a large order, you can congratulate them and share in the feeling of success. It will lift your mood and inspire you to work towards your own successes.