fbpx

The Author of your Life

Lotte Vesterli on May 5, 2021

Are you the author of your life? Think of your life as a book, and each day a new page is written. Some of the things that happen are things that have to be done. You need to eat, sleep and take care of personal hygiene. There is shopping, cleaning, and washing. You will spend part of your time on your job. I discussed that on Monday.

But that still leaves a lot of time under your control. Think about whether you are spending that time in the right way for you. For some people, watching a movie on Netflix is the right choice. For others, it is keeping in touch with friends, or reading good books, or learning something new.

The test of your priorities is to write down in your journal what you did with your personal time each day. If you feel proud and happy to write about your day in your journal, you are on the right track. If you feel hesitant or shameful when writing down how you spent your time, that shows you that there is something you can change for the better.

Consider Your Options

Lotte Vesterli on May 4, 2021

You know you’ve got too much stuff. Everybody in the industrialized world does. We are consuming much more than we need, and we are increasingly aware of the fact that we are consuming more than the planet can provide.

Next time you feel you need something, spend a little time evaluating the alternatives before your rush online to buy it. You might be able to have something repaired instead of buying a new item. Or you might not really need it. If you do need it, you might be able to get a used item instead of a brand-new one. If you need to buy something, you can buy from a vendor who uses fewer resources, green energy, or builds things made to be repairable.

Every decision has many possible options. It’s a good idea to get your thinking brain involved in the decision-making instead of just going with your first impulse. Sitting quietly for a few minutes every day gives your conscious mind the chance to help you improve your decisions. 

Does Your Job Provide Happiness?

Lotte Vesterli on May 3, 2021

Are you one of the oppressed workers of the world? This year, not many places had the traditions large gatherings for International Worker’s Day on May 1st. But many people use this day to reflect on their lives and careers. You are not an oppressed worker in a hard and dangerous job in a British 19th-century steel mill, but you might not be in the right job for you.

There are only so many minutes left in your life, and you are spending many of them on your job. Some people are fortunate to have a job that makes them happy. I’ve been happy in my earlier work helping people as an occupational therapist. I’m even happier now in my own practice helping victims of emotional trauma overcome their past. Other people have a job they are not that passionate about, but which provides the fuel for their life outside work. An old friend of mine has a regular IT job, which pays for him to pursue his passion for playing folk music. He makes enough money to live, to buy and maintain instruments, and travel to the festivals he wants.

Your life is yours to live, and you can choose either path. But if you have a job where you are bullied by your boss, your co-workers, or your customers, you need to find a way to move on to other things.

Reflect on Your Life

Lotte Vesterli on April 30, 2021

Are you spending enough time reflecting on your life? Today is  Great Prayer Day here in Denmark, and other countries have similar days. Even if you are not religious, take this reminder to spend some time thinking about your life.

It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day running of your life. We are so busy with our little tasks and chores that we do not have time to think about the longer term. But if you have not decided where you want to go, you have no guidance in your life.

In Alice in Wonderland, Alice asks the cat: “Which way should I go?” The cat asks where she wants to get to, and she says: “I don’t much care where.” The cat replies: “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

Spend some time today, or this weekend, thinking about where you want to go in your life. What do you want your life to look like in one year, in five years, in ten years? What legacy do you want to leave?

You might think you don’t have an answer, but you do. You simply need to give your brain space and time to think. That’s why religious people pray, and others meditate. You don’t have to do either. You just need to turn off all your devices and spend several hours doing nothing. You know the answer. Let it come to the surface so you can act on it.

Build Your Exercise Routine Back

Lotte Vesterli on April 29, 2021

Are you out of shape after the pandemic? Many people had exercise routines centered around going to a gym or participating in a team sport. During the pandemic, that kind of exercise was not possible. Few have had the willpower to implement a corresponding solo regime, so we’re out of shape.

But now gym reopenings are beckoning, and you can soon go back to your weekly aerobics or Taekwondo class. To prepare for that, start going a little bit of exercise every day. If you’ve not been training at all, start with ridiculously small amounts of exercise, but add a little every day. Write down in your journal what you did and make sure you do just a little more each day. If you jogged for 100 yards yesterday, jog 150 yards today. If you did 3 jumping jacks yesterday, do 4 today.

Movement is important for both your physical and mental health. Start building your exercise routine back.

Train your Independence

Lotte Vesterli on April 28, 2021

Have you outsourced your thinking to your devices? Surveys show that spatial awareness and the ability to read a map are declining as everybody uses navigation apps to go anywhere. Now Apple has come up with a little tracking device you can put on your keys and other things you might lose. When you can’t find your keys, the corresponding app will tell you where they are. If you get one of these tracking things, you can be sure that your ability to remember where you put your keys is similarly going to decline.

If you are not practicing your spatial awareness or your memory, it will decline. Even if you don’t think about it, your mind knows that you are no longer able to run your life without your devices. That fosters a feeling of helplessness. Try going a few days without your gadgets. You will find that it is harder than you thought. And you will experience a sense of accomplishment and freedom.

Celebrate Success

Lotte Vesterli on April 26, 2021

Here in Denmark, we are celebrating our Oscar for “Best Foreign Movie” today. Well, most of us didn’t really contribute anything, but we can all enjoy Thomas Winterberg’s success with “Another Round.”

You can also celebrate other people’s success. I’m unlikely to win an Oscar, but I can still feel happy for those who do.

When someone around you is successful, examine how you feel. It is common for people who have suffered bullying or other emotional trauma to feel resentment for other people’s success. But being unhappy that someone else got the promotion or won the audition is adding unnecessary pain to your life. If you have that feeling, tell yourself you are happy for their success. If that feels too hard, tell yourself that you pretend to feel happy. it might sound silly, but simply telling your brain to pretend to be happy cancels the negativity so you are at least not adding to your unhappiness.

There are many successful people in the world. Share in their success.

Start a Book Today

Lotte Vesterli on April 23, 2021

Reading a book can change your life. I have read several books that have had a huge impact on my life, and I have written one that readers tell me have had a huge impact on their lives.

Today is World Book Day. If you’re not already reading a book with the potential to change your life, pick one up today. If you have ever been bullied or had other traumatic experiences, I recommend my own “Life after Bullying.” It contains the method and tools I have developed over many years as I fought my way out of the long-term consequences of severe childhood bullying.

It’s on sale at Amazon.com (https://vester.li/wbd21), and many other bookstores are also running promotions. Get a book today.

Playing it Safe

Lotte Vesterli on April 22, 2021

Do you always play it safe? We all have our personal risk profiles. Some people climb mountains without safety ropes, while others won’t climb more than two steps up a ladder. People who suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem, like bullying victims, tend to be the most risk-averse. In a pandemic, being careful to adhere to all the guidelines is useful. But in life in general, being over-cautious means you miss out on things you could safely have done.

Researchers in the UK were working with a group of 400 children and found that teaching them chess decreased their risk aversion. In the game of chess, you need to be able to take prudent risks – maybe sacrificing a piece to gain a decisive advantage. Chess was a safe environment for the children to experiment with risk – the worst thing that could happen was that they lost the game.

If you are feeling risk aversion is holding you back, look for a similar safe environment where you can practice taking small risks. If you are anxious about speaking to strangers, join a club or association where everybody has an interest in common. In this environment, it will be easier to ask a stranger a question because you can expect everybody to want to share their knowledge and love of your common subject.

Create Your Own Sound

Lotte Vesterli on April 19, 2021

Create your own sound. I don’t mean you have to gather a few friends and create an indie band, though that can certainly be rewarding for some people. But the sounds around you affect your mental state. Most of us don’t live in the countryside where you only heard birdsong and the buzzing of bees. Working from home, we are free of the hellish soundscape of the open plan office, but we often live in urban surroundings. We have traffic noise, neighbors, barking dogs, and maybe even our partner speaking too loudly on a Zoom call.

You are unconsciously listening and processing all of these sounds. That takes energy that could be used for something more useful. To get more done, personally and professionally, create your own sound surroundings. If possible, avoid headphones. Consider a small indoor fountain to create the soothing sound of running water. There are “white noise machines” that emit a constant low-volume noise that masks other noises in your environment. Or you can play instrumental music at low volume through your computer speakers or a separate speaker connected to your phone.

Sound affects your mood and your productivity. Don’t just accept the sound the world pushes upon you. Create your own sound like you create your own life.