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How to Fight Bullying

Lotte Vesterli on September 15, 2022

Bullying just cost an American school a million dollars. That was what a judge ordered them to pay to a bullying victim because they did not take reports of bullying seriously. That might make that one school take bullying seriously in the future, but we cannot fight bullying with fines and anti-bullying policies on a piece of paper.

Preventing a bully from bullying is very hard. It is easier to create bullying resilience in children – and adults. We do that by helping them build up their self-esteem. If you know someone being bullied – or at risk – get in touch to hear how I can help.

Increase Your Positive Thinking

Lotte Vesterli on September 13, 2022

Today you’re only supposed to think positive thoughts – September 13th is Positive Thinking Day. The idea of such a day seems ridiculous – what if your car breaks down or your train is canceled? But the deeper reason behind it makes excellent sense.

We are bombarded with negative messages. Advertisers want us to be unhappy and promise that if only we bought their product, we would become happy. News media focus on bad news because more people click on those stories.

To avoid sinking into despair, you need to fight back. It’s all well and good to celebrate Positive Thinking Day. But it’s better to create a habit of explicitly looking for the positive each day. Spend a few moments before bed to review your day and find something positive that happened. It will improve your mood – and your sleep.

Set your Mind’s GPS

Lotte Vesterli on June 15, 2022

Did you ever set your GPS wrong? I have, but quickly noticed something wrong with the directions I was given. But if you set your mind’s GPS wrong, it can take you a while to notice.

If you are unhappy about the path of your life, you need to re-program your mind’s GPS. A simple way to do that is by saying affirmations. An affirmation is a compelling sentence that describes how you feel after reaching your goal. One of mine has been “I am so happy and grateful that I now feel relaxed and confident as I speak in front of an audience.” I talk more about affirmations in chapter 7 of my book “Life after Bullying.”

Design an affirmation and say it to yourself every day. You will find that it directs your mind to seek a way to reach the goal your affirmation describes.

How to Break Bad Habits

Lotte Vesterli on May 31, 2022

There seems to be a day for breaking every bad habit. For example, today is “World No Tobacco Day.” Having one special day can be good for awareness campaigns. Actually changing habits takes much longer.

I talk about breaking bad habits in chapter 5 of my book “Life After Bullying.” The reason we call them “bad” is because they are working against some other goal we have. Our habits might be bad for our health, or take time away from more important things. The trick is not to focus on the habit you don’t want, but instead focus on the better result you do want.

Stop Your Technology from Distracting You

Lotte Vesterli on March 18, 2022

To create something, you need focus. I do my journaling on paper because a sheet of paper will not suddenly interrupt you with an unimportant message. When I am in focus mode, I have notification off on my phone and my computer. When writing on the computer, I use the “focus” mode in Word that removes all the menus and covers everything on my screen but the document.

You need to take a moment to figure out how to bend your technology to your will. If you can’t figure out how to disable notifications and noise, have a friend or family member help you.

You Have to Touch

Lotte Vesterli on February 10, 2022

When you have lived with the same partner for a long time, it can feel like something is missing. One of the most important things you can do for your relationship is to make sure you physically touch several time each day. It does not have to be a bear hug or anything sexual. Any simple touch trigger oxytocin in the body, and that strengthens trust and connection between you. Find a way to touch the shoulder, arm, or hand of your partner every day and feel the difference. 

Use your phone less

Lotte Vesterli on January 27, 2022

How often do you pick up your phone? If you are average, it is 58 times in a day. That is the number of times the average user interacts with the phone, so it does not include just checking the time. If you have an iPhone, activate the Screen Time feature under Settings to get your number. On Android, look under Settings, Digital Wellbeing and parental controls.

When you have found your number, challenge yourself to get it down. We only have so much time in our lives, and we are spending too much of it glued to our phones.

Build Your Exercise Routine Back

Lotte Vesterli on April 29, 2021

Are you out of shape after the pandemic? Many people had exercise routines centered around going to a gym or participating in a team sport. During the pandemic, that kind of exercise was not possible. Few have had the willpower to implement a corresponding solo regime, so we’re out of shape.

But now gym reopenings are beckoning, and you can soon go back to your weekly aerobics or Taekwondo class. To prepare for that, start going a little bit of exercise every day. If you’ve not been training at all, start with ridiculously small amounts of exercise, but add a little every day. Write down in your journal what you did and make sure you do just a little more each day. If you jogged for 100 yards yesterday, jog 150 yards today. If you did 3 jumping jacks yesterday, do 4 today.

Movement is important for both your physical and mental health. Start building your exercise routine back.

Numbers Optional

Lotte Vesterli on February 10, 2021

Do you run your life by the numbers? Some people meticulously record their steps, their time, and their diet, and the media and the internet is full of well-meaning advice from these people. And there is of course a gadget or an app to track and register everything.

This approach works for a specific kind of people. However, if you are not a numbers person, there is no need to feel guilty because other people say you should be tracking steps, calories or anything else.

If you want to improve your life, you do need to take time to reflect on what you are doing with the days you have been given. But tracking exact numbers is purely optional.

Read Books

Lotte Vesterli on January 28, 2021

What book are you reading right now? Books are a great way to relax, immerse yourself in another world, and learn something. And paper books don’t affect your sleep like reading on a screen does.

People have announced the death of physical books for a long time, but 2020 saw more paper books sold than ever before. If you’re not reading a book right now, find one on your bookshelf that you have meant to get around to, and get started tonight.