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The Wounds From Bullying do not Heal Themselves

Lotte Vesterli on September 7, 2023

One participant shared a thought-provoking story at the Langelinie Rotary Club, where I gave a presentation yesterday. He had been bullied in school, and many years later, at a reunion, the bully approached him and offered an apology.

I’ve heard similar stories before. We know that bullying victims suffer for a long time afterward, but the bullies themselves often bear the burden of guilt for years as well. Fortunately, there is a lot we can do to prevent bullying and mitigate its effects. I was also a victim of bullying, but I’ve moved forward in life. Today, I help individuals and organizations prevent bullying and overcome its effects.

Don’t hesitate to contact me if you are a bullying victim or need help to get rid of bullying in your organization.

You can Rewire Your Brain

Lotte Vesterli on November 1, 2022

You can rewrite a traumatic memory. Important events are stored in the brain as a combination of the facts and an associated feeling. Scientists are hoping to treat trauma by manipulating neurotensin levels in the brain, but there is another way. Trauma therapists have known for many years that it is possible to regenerate images in memory, and neuroscience is slowing discovering what happens in the brain.

It turns out that every time we access a memory, it gets weaker. Normally, we automatically re-write the same memory. That’s why we don’t notice the process. But when working with a therapist in a situation of emotional safety, we can re-write the memory with a different feeling.

If you want to know more about this process, and how it can help you, I’ll be happy to tell you more. You can book a time to talk at no cost on my website. I hope to hear from you.

Bullying Victims Need Help

Lotte Vesterli on October 14, 2022

Our anti-bullying policies have a huge blind spot: The victim. It is bad enough that only 30% of bullies are called out, but it is a disgrace that only 10% of bullying victims receive any help.

Some people can shake off the effects of bullying, but it might take 30 years. That’s how long it took me to heal myself. Many people I see in my practice have also suffered from the after-effects of bullying for decades. We must train at least one person in each school in basic trauma therapy. I do my part by teaching the RIM method, but I find school systems are unwilling to invest in helping bullying victims. If you are a parent, ask your school what they do to help bullying victims. Unless we all demand a change, nothing will happen.

Time Away from Screens

Lotte Vesterli on October 20, 2020

China is stepping up the fight against bullying with a new law to protect children online. It says internet companies have to take “necessary measures” against cyberbullying, including blocking and deleting content.

The more internet companies do, the better. And if you’re the victim of cyberbullying you should use the tools to report bullying.

But what you really need is time away from screens. You need to process and heal from past trauma in order to stop bullying and ignore it when it does happen. I have my ABC method (Attitude, Breathing, Choices), and there are others. You are free to reach out to me at no cost to see how I can help you.

Schedule a time here: https://www.lottevesterli.com/intro-call/